Do you want to stand in the rain for hours, mud swelling around your ankles, an aching thumb stretched out in futility? Didn’t think so. Hitchhiking is a glorious art form but it’s easy to mess up. Here are our top tips on how to hitchhike properly.
Hitchhike online
Instead of playing lucky dip with the truckers at some brutalist autobahn rest stop, go online before you start your journey and see who’s headed where. There are lots of drivers out there making random journeys across the world who need company, and thanks to modern technology they’re letting you know about it online.
You might even find somebody is traversing those exact hundreds of miles that you were hoping to, and hey, you could make a new friend too. Most just want company, although the odd recompense for petrol is common too – it’s still a bargain either way.
Here are some popular hitching sites to set you on your way:
Do it for charity
Most drivers don’t pick up hitchhikers – they’ve seen too many horror films and they assume they’re probably murderers. But that’s not fair, you’re a nice person! Unfortunately they can’t tell that as they fearfully push their foot down on the accelerator and whizz past you. What you need is a visible, palpable cause that let’s them know you’re a big old softie.
Sign yourself up to a charity and get people to sponsor you for your journey. Get a gaudy t-shirt with a charity logo and a big sign saying “Charity hitch!”. You will get loads of people stopping for you, wherever you are. And almost every driver will say “I don’t normally pick up hitchhikers, but seeing as it’s for charity…”
Easy hitching and money in the coffers for a good cause – win win!
Finally… Don’t look like a psychopath
If you can’t go online and you’re not in cahoots with a charity, then this is the only basic rule you need to follow – especially if you’re in a country where hitchhiking isn’t that common.
It’s best to at least try and look like it’s safe to pick you up, although this can be a bit tricky if you are an actual psychopath. For example, you might want to make a good impression and wear your Sunday best. But drivers will certainly assume you’re a psychopath if you think wearing a suit or a gown to jump into a random stranger’s car is normal (especially if you’re wearing both at the same time), so don’t dress up too fancily, okay?
Also, you might think it’s reassuring to hold up a sign saying “I won’t kill you”, but surprisingly drivers are prone to take this as a bluff. Obviously, a sign with the jokey double bluff “I will probably kill you” won’t help either. As unconventional as this may sound, it’s best to just leave out the word “kill” altogether from any sign you make.
Instead just, you know, be cool – okay? Be like Teddy. Friendly.
(Featured image by My Huy Streetphotography)
