Sooner or later, everyone gets to the point in their travels where the thought of having to stay in a hostel gives you the shakes. You long for the silky pillows and freshly-washed sheets of a Hilton, and the tiny bottles of shampoo and welcoming smiles of a Holiday Inn. And if the thought of hanging out with young people in an enclave that’s purpose built for fun and adventure fills you with dread, you might just be at that age. Still not sure? Here are some sure-fire signs you’re too old to stay in a hostel…

1. You walk through the hostel door and the guy behind the desk looks like he needs a babysitter.

2. The “What’s On” board looks like a laundry list of never-wanna-dos and you wonder why there’s not a showing of the latest Midsomer Murders.

3. The first person you meet uses words like “on fleek” and “squad” and prompts you for a mysterious backwards handshake. They’re too cool, just too cool.

4. You’re in bed by 9:30pm, and someone suggests going out for a few drinks.

5. You lie awake because people are partying and it’s midnight! MIDNIGHT PEOPLE!

6. There’s a lot of babble about the difference between being a tourist and being a backpacker and it makes you want to put a campfire out with your face.

7. The top bunk may as well be Mount Kilimanjaro for the effort it’ll take you to get up there.

8. Backwards caps and Hawaiian shirts everywhere. Everywhere.

9. You don’t recognise a single song that’s playing at the hostel bar and it’s so loud! Why is it so loud?!

10. You wake up at 11am and the hostel is a deserted wasteland.

11. After a night out, you crunch the numbers trying to figure out how many overtime shifts you’ll have to do to be able to afford a hotel room.

12. You leave the shower feeling more dirty than when you went in. And there are strangers walking in. Can I just get five minutes to myself?

13. You try to have sympathy for their young people problems, but it just seems creepy.

14. You’d give everything you own for 10 minutes in a private bathroom.

15. Bunk bed sex not only seems difficult, it seems uncomfortable. Why would you? Why?

Whatever your budget and taste, you can book accommodation with us to make sure you find the perfect places to stay during your travels. Whether you’re after hostels in Australia, beach huts in Thailand, guesthouses in the USA, all-inclusive resorts in Spain or luxurious hotels in Dubai, we have you covered.

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About the author

Martin FlemingI’m an Australian writer who left his country after the cost of beer hit double figures. I’ve spent the last six months travelling the world and was most recently tricked into hiking the Inca Trail in Reeboks. I blame Tinder glitches for my loneliness. I like sharks.

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