Places named after birds

We’ve always been jealous of our avian friends for their effortless ability to take to the skies on a whim. The inhabitants of certain places in the world have tried to appease the birds and get them to tell us their secrets by renaming their homelands in their honour.

Turkey

Turkey was founded in 3,109BC by the warrior poet Bernard Matthews. His famous words “Gobble, lest ye be free, for I am the turkey within you” remain the country’s national motto – in the early 16^th century, it kept citizens hopeful and resilient during a fourteen-year occupation by the Thanksgiving-obsessed Americans.

Cheap Flights To Turkey

Canary Islands

The Canary Islands of the west coast of Africa are the international headquarters of all birds smaller than the palm of your hand. There, in sunny luxury, these cute feathered warblers hatch their slow-burning plans to bring down the wire birdcage industry.

Pigeon Island – Australia, New Zealand, Sri Lanka, Saint Lucia, Solomon Islands, Canada…

There’s not just one, but a whole flock of Pigeon Islands dotted around the world. Normally pigeons gather in bleak grey cityscapes such as Trafalgar Square in London where they poop on the statues.

When they need a break from urbanites, they choose from one of these eight beautiful destinations – their favourite is the one in the Caribbean, unsurprisingly.

Phoenix, Arizona, USA

The legendary bird that arose from the ashes in a symbol of sacrifice and regeneration was actually from Arizona, not Greece – it’s a large bird, so it just flew over to Europe like it was no big deal.

It was so massive that it used to fill up the Grand Canyon and use it as a birdbath. Seriously, there are photos of it splashing about in this book called “The Phoenix’s Big Day Out” but the CIA hid it because you’re not allowed to see it. Shame.

Bird City, Kansas

According to the 2010 US census, there are 447 people living in Bird City along with 4,392,767 birds. The birds run all public services, including the post office (the pigeons have a sublime airmail system going), traffic control (pelican crossings are everywhere) and even the metropolitan council (as overseen by a parliament of owls).

Private businesses are also thriving under avian wings, although the carpentry trade has always struggled due to the Woodpecker Union insisting that the only tool needed is the face.

The 447 humans inhabiting Bird City are there merely to help goslings, ducklings and other chicks reach for things on shelves.

Swansea, Wales

The city of Swansea used to be the port where all the sailor swans would bring in their wares from their travels overseas. In times of yore, your typical coastal Welshman would look out over the Bristol Channel and remark “Look, Gwyneth! It’s a right sea of Swans today! It’s a Swan sea!” And thus the city’s moniker was born. It used to be called New Llantiliafeemeegogogh but Swansea was simply much easier for mapmakers to jot down.

Today, the British monarchy recognises the swan as a sacred bird due to all of the species’ efforts to help the kingdom’s empire during the 18th and 19th centuries. Swans’ proclivity towards drowning small children that approached them was overlooked after all those baby potatoes and fancy foreign cheeses filled London restaurants. Like brie, do you? You can thank swans for that.

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

Pigeon Forge in Tennessee is where the master blacksmiths of pigeon weaponry learn their craft. If you’ve ever cursed a city pigeon for precisely defecating in your café latte, you can be sure he learnt his terrorist techniques in the training camps of Pigeon Forge. In this beautiful Tennessee mountain resort, barracks of pigeons wake up at 6am, beginning their day by swearing allegiance to the nearest statue covered in white poo.

Then begins training in how to pester people eating outside, namely how to become fearless and leap onto tables as humans obliviously tuck into their meals. In the afternoon, learning the ways of germ warfare is mandatory, particularly how to carry every known bacteria and virus known to man whilst at the same time nonchalantly milling about a puddle as if diseases were non-existent.

At the end of the day, the pigeons fly over to Dollywood to relax, because, as everybody knows, pigeons adore Dolly Parton.

(Featured image: blucolt)